Not Interested!!

Not feeling particularly confident today. Not felt this way in a while...

Second time I am meeting a new potential client since I've started living full time. Of course I wasn't expecting rainbows and butterflies, that's not how the real world works.

Several weeks ago I went to meet a potential new client. I could tell right away that the project manager seemed somewhat confrontational, almost belligerent. I marshaled on, and met the team who I hit it off with. The project was well within my wheelhouse.

Now I've been turned down before for gigs -- usually you get back some line like "we don't think the skill sets match" or "we decided to go with someone else".

This client made *certain* to send back this response:

"Not Interested"

Cold.

It just threw me for a loop. I tried to get more detail, but to no avail.

I'm not one to just ascribe events to who or what I am. When you grow up Jewish you learn to deflect things like antisemitic rhetoric and not assume every slight is one that has to do with you.

Still, its hard to ignore this...

I am acutely aware that even in a large city, which is a safe haven for LGBT folks, there is still the possibility of running into hostile people.

So why am I worried about today? Besides still feeling shaky from my last encounter, I know that my line of work does not limit me to the safety of large cities... in fact, it will take me to places that are not so LGBT friendly. I know this because this is the nature of my craft, and its taken me places that are part of the tapestry of my career.

...and now instead of feeling that feeling of wonder, I feel afraid.

I knew all of this before. Its one thing to know. Its another to experience it first hand.

How will today go?