Compassion and Forgiveness
In my head, I had all kinds of ideas about what I wanted this blog to be about. This is my transition, my journey... but as 2017 comes to a close, the one thing that continues to resonate, that rises above the din, is the need for compassion and forgiveness. At a time when we are so divided as a nation, as a people, when we are in such need of healing, I cant think of a more appropriate topic to open a dialog...
Anyone who is a sci-fi fan will instantly recognize the names I have chosen, and indeed the title of this blog. But I hadn't intended any hidden or cryptic meaning here -- for the uninitiated, these are Doctor Who references. For me, the long way 'round actually goes hand in hand with my own transition from someone who has lived a life of trauma and pain, which in time I will tell my story as I feel I am able to.
What I want this blog to be is my testimony to a transition not just of my journey to resolving dysphoria, but rather transitioning from a lifetime spent hiding and numbing from pain, and then raging and lashing out in anger, to being able to connecting to others and finding a place for compassion and forgiveness. Being transgender is not a choice... owning it is. Being discriminated against and ostracized are not choices -- taking back one's agency, choosing to remain compassionate, caring and loving, and not to become bitter and despondent, those are choices.
Back in 2009 when I was trying to transition (my second attempt), I remember reading in a book about transitioning that said "When you transition, you have to be prepared to lose everything in your life that you had". For too long, I let that fear drive me, and it wasn't until this last year that I realized that the only thing I needed to lose was my fear. Or so I thought that was the only thing... it didn't occur to me that anger, grudges, and the like... those could go out the airlock as well.
So I had to take the long way 'round to figure it all out. Yeah, I probably could have saved myself some time along the way... but as a wise woman pointed out to me, I would have missed out on an opportunity to learn... : )
Anyone who is a sci-fi fan will instantly recognize the names I have chosen, and indeed the title of this blog. But I hadn't intended any hidden or cryptic meaning here -- for the uninitiated, these are Doctor Who references. For me, the long way 'round actually goes hand in hand with my own transition from someone who has lived a life of trauma and pain, which in time I will tell my story as I feel I am able to.
What I want this blog to be is my testimony to a transition not just of my journey to resolving dysphoria, but rather transitioning from a lifetime spent hiding and numbing from pain, and then raging and lashing out in anger, to being able to connecting to others and finding a place for compassion and forgiveness. Being transgender is not a choice... owning it is. Being discriminated against and ostracized are not choices -- taking back one's agency, choosing to remain compassionate, caring and loving, and not to become bitter and despondent, those are choices.
Back in 2009 when I was trying to transition (my second attempt), I remember reading in a book about transitioning that said "When you transition, you have to be prepared to lose everything in your life that you had". For too long, I let that fear drive me, and it wasn't until this last year that I realized that the only thing I needed to lose was my fear. Or so I thought that was the only thing... it didn't occur to me that anger, grudges, and the like... those could go out the airlock as well.
So I had to take the long way 'round to figure it all out. Yeah, I probably could have saved myself some time along the way... but as a wise woman pointed out to me, I would have missed out on an opportunity to learn... : )
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